When is it okay to ask for help?

When is it okay to ask for help?

Lately, things have been a little stressful, my (almost) 8 month old daughter Amrielle, as sweet as she is, is completely exhausting me! She is teething again and her teething process, involves ALOT of bratty behavior. She is fussy and cries/screams and always wants to be held. I think I mentioned some of this in my last post... It seems to get worse at night. But I think it's just because I am at the end of my rope.

This is where my question lies. I ask my husband for some help, some support, at these difficult times of her screaming. He can see in my face that I am stressed out and I have had enough. That I have dealt with this behavior ALL day and I am tired and I need a break. BUT He has just gotten home from work. He finally gets to rest himself and do something he wants to do. Have his own alone time. And I feel helpless. I feel guilty asking for help when he has been working hard all day just like me. But T\to be honest I really thought I needed a break. I needed to get AWAY! Being a stay at home mom, is thee most delightfully, terrible, fun, challenging, rewarding, kill yourself, job (I think) in the whole work force. The days are monotonous, yet you deal with different challenges every minute. It's like being bored all day, yet having to keep on your toes!

"Is she choking!?"
"What are you chewing on?"
"Don't touch that!"
"Are you hungry?"
"Pippin (our dog) Don't lick her, give her your nasty toys to play with, or knock her over!"

And much more. One challenge today, is we ran out of diapers. BOO. I thought I had at least one diaper I could put her in to go to the store. And I did. but it was an infant diaper that has the little umbilical cord scoop in the front... yeah, holds up to like 8lbs. You remember. She looked like she was wearing bikini underware, and not even cute ones. Yucky white, tight, nasty, tiny diaper. These diapers are 8 months old, and were stuffed away in a little box, I can't believe I even found one, or had one much less from her infanthood.

So I stuff her in her little diaper, and tote her to the car. She throws a fit having to get in her carseat, arching her back, screaming, stiff as a board won't sit down unless you break her knee caps, trying to get her in the chinese puzzle straps, that you have to hook perfectly together and slide in at the same time(I couldn't have just got a simple buckle) After all that, she is oddly content once strapped in. So I look at her, make sure the sun is out of her eyes, and we go to the store. Grab her diapers and a few other things and walk back to the car to follow the same ritual we had at the beginning, ending with her being happy and content after struggling to get those carseat straps buckled.

Things like this happen everyday to mothers. I don't care if your baby is an angel sent from heaven, there are going to be moments where you look at them and think, how am I even allowed to own a child?

Because Moms are many things, but they are not stupid. Mom's know that they will never live up to their own standards, and that they are never being cutsie enough, or crafty enough, or being the best teacher in the world, and cooking gourmet meals for the handsome husband, and looking gorgeous when he comes home, and the list goes ON, and ON!

So when do you ask for help? WHO do you ask for help. And will help ever find you? Because I have found, that no matter where you are (if you do get to sneak away for a bit) you are constantly thinking about that little baby of yours, wondering if she is okay, and if she is safe, if she is hungry, happy, sad, driving her dad beserk! All the more making a little vacation, not even relaxing.

I have found it is even more stressful for me to leave my little gum-drop, then to stay with her. And here is where I found the secret.

Moms love their children, no matter what.

All of the annoyance, and frusturation and exhaustion and the never feeling good enough, the never feeling perfect enough, doesn't compare to the feeling of love you have for the child. It's almost an annoying love. The kind of love that you have no matter what, and it annoys you. It's an unconditional love. And I never realized quite what that meant until having my sweet angel Amrielle. When I heard unconditional love, I always thought "Wow, that is a powerful love" I thought of paper hearts and doing everthing right and everything sweetly and nicely. No, no, no, no. Unconditional love, is where in any condition that person is in, upset, raging!, depressed, sad, excited, happy, curious, interested, confused. You always love them. A love that is all encompassing for one complete individual. Your child. A love that no matter how things are, good or bad you can't help loving, worrying, caring about, this little being that made your life turn upside down yet somehow helped you percieve life clearer than you ever could with out the flip.

SO, when is it okay to ask for help?

Anytime. All I know is. I help myself more than anyone could. I know my daughter better than anyone ever would, I could do a better job calming her and loving her than anyone knows how. I know now, that mothers really don't need help. They are the help. They are the ones that make things better. And "They" is ME. I am that "mother" that I always counted on. And I am the one that gets hugged, and clingged to, and the one who cries when her baby first rolls over, or crawls, or stands up, or claps or waves. I AM THE ONE.

And once I saw that. I realize that my baby doesn't just rely on me, for basics. She love me unconditionally. And as I cry when I write this I see that all of the stress is worth having someone love you and want you, even when you are mean, and unhappy, and bored, and stressed.

I am lucky to have seen this now. And I want everyone to know that I love my daughter, and I love my husband. And I am so grateful that I saw the light in all the darkness of trying to escape this life. Yes every mother deserves a night out to do her own thing. But making it seem like everyday is hell, (which I have been doing) is just not healthy or correct. Everyday is such a blessing.

The question shouldn't be "When is it okay to ask for help?" the question should be "How much help can I help?"

And I know, that somehow, after all that giving, you will never have more rewards.